New Year’s Goals: Setting, Following-Through, and Practicing Kindness
Every December for the last decade, my close friend and I have had a goal-setting session.
We first reflect on our goals from the current year – the ones we achieved, the ones we tried, and the ones we didn’t even attempt. Then, we set our goals for the next year. We write them down using bright colored markers and decorate our pages. We keep them in our journals or hang them on our fridges. It has become a ritual I look forward to every winter.
Through this process, I have learned that my goals need to be connected to my values in order to feel meaningful. As psychologist Susan David explains in her book Emotional Agility, living in alignment with our values can improve our self-esteem and lead us to be more resilient when confronted with criticism from others.
David writes, “If you know your own personal values and generally live by them, you are likely to be comfortable with who you are. You don’t need to compare yourself with other people because you’re a success – by your own definition” (Emotional Agility, p. 116).
As you consider what your goals are for 2023, I encourage you to try the following process.
First, identify what your values are. According to David, values are “freely chosen and have not been imposed on you” and “they allow you to get closer to the way you want to live your life” (Emotional Agility, pp. 117-118). A great way to identify your values is by responding to the following questions outlined in David’s book:
Deep down, what matters to me?
What relationships do I want to build?
What do I want my life to be about?
Next, assess whether your current choices and behavior align with your values. You may ask yourself the following:
Currently, how aligned are my daily choices and behavior with my values? Is there anything I need to change to become more aligned?
Which of my values have I been prioritizing recently? Are there any I need to prioritize more or less to bring my life into balance?
Finally, choose your top three to five values and write them down, along with a goal that will help you live each value. Here’s an example:
Value: Adventure
Goal: Take a hike in a new location once per month
Value: Financial Stability
Goal: Contribute x% of each paycheck directly to my savings account
Sometimes, the most challenging part of goal setting is not identifying the goal but following through on the necessary action steps to meet the goal. If this is difficult for you, consider checking out James Clear’s book Atomic Habits or his two-part podcast interview with Brené Brown here and here.
As you work through your goals in 2023, remember: Progress is not linear, and being kind to yourself is the first step to helping you achieve anything.