Celebrating Love Beyond Romantic Coupling

Valentine’s Day tends to stir many kinds of feelings within us–yearning, excitement, disappointment, skepticism, ambivalence, thrill. Most of the time, though, we exclusively associate Valentine’s Day with a romantic notion of love when in reality, there are multiple types of love that are equally as important to making our lives feel grounded and fulfilled.

In her book All About Love: New Visions, bell hooks both examines and challenges the modern understanding of love, which she argues has been corrupted in our dominant culture by the forces of white supremacy, capitalism, and patriarchy. Yet for hooks, “the word ‘love’ is most often defined as a noun, yet we would all love better if we used it as a verb” (All About Love, p. 4). She then offers an alternative view of love, one where it becomes a radical practice of taking care of ourselves and each other.

Below, we’ve highlighted many types of love, influenced by hooks’ work, in order to expand our understanding of it beyond romance, especially on Valentine’s Day. 

Celebrate Love in Friendship

“Echoing the work of Erich Fromm, he defines love as ‘the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth...Love is as love does. Love is an act of will–namely, both an intention and an action’” (All About Love, p.4).

Platonic love between friends is a type of relationship that provides emotional support and companionship, and it is perhaps the most long lasting love we experience throughout life. 

Take the time to appreciate and celebrate this type of love in your life. Write a letter (old fashioned or even just a text) to a friend and offer gratitude for their support throughout your life. Plan outings for friends with the same intention you would with a partner. No matter the activity, take the time to recognize the special bond you share with the people in your life.

Celebrate Love in Community

“There can be no love without justice…abuse and neglect negate love. Care and affirmation, the opposite of abuse and humiliation, are the foundation of love” (All About Love, pp.19-22).

Humans are biologically and socially wired to be part of a community, and love can help foster a sense of understanding, acceptance, and respect for one another. Love is a source of strength and connection that builds stronger communities and brings people together.

Practicing love in this context can be as simple as joining a local group to learn a new hobby alongside fellow neighbors. When taken further, though, we see that the best practice of communal love is through ensuring the inclusion, celebration, and liberation of all neighbors, not just the ones we live closest to. For example, consider how February is also Black History Month, and find ways to educate yourself about Black history, power, literature, presence, and community. 

Celebrate Self Love

“But many of us seek community solely to escape the fear of being alone. Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” (All About Love, p. 140)

When we take the time to care for ourselves, we are actively practicing self-love. It is acknowledging our emotions and our needs, and then loving ourselves enough to make them a priority. Self-love is an act of courage and liberation that can help us to create a more compassionate and empathetic world.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect time for self-care and reflection. Take a break from the hustle of life and do something that nourishes your body and soul. Examples of self-love include a long walk in nature, starting a gratitude journal, taking a long hot bath, or even teaching yourself a new skill. Whatever you do, let it be something that makes you feel special, valued, and cared for. 

Conclusion

hooks says that “to love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic bonds” (All About Love, p. 138). When we learn that love can be found in our relationships with family, friends, and even strangers, we can better embrace it as a powerful force that helps celebrate our differences and bring us closer together. This Valentine’s Day, let us recognize the many types of love that make our lives meaningful. From platonic friendships to community activism to self-care, let us celebrate love in all its forms.